is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
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Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
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I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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