Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
