I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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