STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Umm I'm too high to move.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
