i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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