While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
