i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I am one with the molecules
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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