as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
