I think i peed on brittanys purse
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
