used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Barsexuality is the new black.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
