Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
