how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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