I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
