I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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