How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
