my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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