Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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