maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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