she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
