what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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