Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
