My first STD was from a foam party
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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