The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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