either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
