May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
