The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
