i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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