I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
