are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
