Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
