I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
