btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
