I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
