Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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