My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
