It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
