If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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