his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.