I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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