this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
