how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
