Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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