Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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