that's an acceptable place to lick
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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