u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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