this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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