To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
