So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
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She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
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If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.