Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.