i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...