I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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