I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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