We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
