I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
