It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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