Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
