I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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