Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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