the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
