You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
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I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
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But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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