I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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