apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
