my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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