How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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